Three things happened recently that eroded some of the joy in my life.

10 min readNov 28, 2020

This past spring, I finally called the town to see if there was anything they could do. Two of the trees were precariously balanced near the road. I could scarcely afford to have them both removed, but luckily I didn’t have to come up with the money. The town came by a couple of weeks after I called and took the trees down for me, much to my unending relief.

A third dead ash tree that was further back on our property, right beside the driveway, also needed to be removed. Nine years ago, when the girls were ten and seven, my husband had used that particular tree as the foundation for a swingset.

He’d screwed a sturdy plank to the tree, and built an A-frame contraption to support it on the opposite side. We hung four blue plastic swings on the homemade marvel, all of us quite pleased with the results. In retrospect, the tree was probably already dying.

The final ash tree fell on its own two weeks ago. It simply keeled over, taking down another tree, which destroyed my neighbor’s carport. We escaped with our lives, and most of our property, intact. The ash tree took the swingset with it, of course, but that’s fine with me.

I’d been wanting to dismantle it for years. Like so many other home projects I aspire to, I never got around to doing it. The swingset stood abandoned for roughly four years, claimed by vines and spider webs, until the tree that supported it finally took it down.

There was a time when I hated this house. I despised its perpetual neediness and resented our lack of resources to fill that need. Our well ran dry in 2008 and we very nearly pulled the girls out of the tiny private school they’d loved because we had no money to fix it. Ana was in third grade, Emily in kindergarten.

Private school was too expensive for us to comfortably afford, but we’d sacrificed pretty much everything else to make it happen. The girls needed it, we’d reasoned.

Ana, in particular, had been an extremely sensitive child. Public school was simply too much for her. We’d pulled her out in the middle of first grade, when she’d been so anxious and depressed that she told me, on a morning walk to the bus stop, that she hoped the bus would hit her so she wouldn’t have to go to school that day.

The little private school nestled in a scenic town called High Falls was like an (expensive) dream come true. The school folded Ana into its child-centric, progressive embrace and she flourished. They’d let her play outside for hours, fostered her love of art and music, and celebrated her sensitivity rather than punished it.

Somehow we managed to pay for it, though barely, but it was at the expense of the house.

When our well stopped working, we were fresh out of money. It turned out that the pump deep within the well and the pipes leading to the house all had to be replaced.

There’s a reason people gravitate towards nature, parks, and art museums. We instinctively sense a kind of divinity in nature, and a celebration of something greater than ourselves in fine art.

When I can’t get outside, I sometimes grab a handful of my favorite art books and settle into a comfy chair. I sip a cup of coffee and pore over the art images in those books. Soothing quiet music makes a nice accompaniment.

A few of my art books

Make time for beauty in your life. Birdsong, the wind in the trees, and the beauty of masterful paintings can help restore your spirit.

Help someone

It’s amazing what happens when we step outside of ourselves and help other people.

“The size of our universe shrinks considerably when we place ourselves at the center. And the people who are most focused on themselves are the least satisfied in life.” -Joshua Becker

Whether it’s grocery shopping for an elderly neighbor or volunteering at your local Grey Bears, the result is that two spirits are uplifted. Yours, and the person you helped.

Keep learning

Education is often the key to solving many of our problems. When life is hard, it’s often because something is broken in our lives.

Maybe it’s your job or relationship? Perhaps you’re frustrated because you lack the skills to reach the next level in a particular discipline?

For example, my first efforts at figure drawing were disappointing. I have years of experience as a cartoonist and landscape painter, but not so much as a figurative artist. My command of anatomy and proportions was lacking.

There was only one answer. I had to study anatomy and figure drawing. So I took online courses and began practicing every day. I have not achieved mastery yet, but my spirits have been lifted by the progress made.

The Internet is free and you can find answers to almost everything if you’re willing to put in the time. And books are gifts that keep on giving. Keep learning, and it will change your life.

Get moving

There’s just something magical about exercise once you get into the habit of it. I’ve had days when I was in a terrible mood, but my dogs insisted on a long walk. Sure enough, by the end of the walk, my mood had lifted.

Exercise is not only good for you, but it releases natural endorphins and has been shown to combat depression. The trick is to create a routine or habit to get you moving because relying solely on will power is not enough.

Regular exercise will lift your spirit and help you through the hard times.

The choice wasn’t really a choice — running water or private school. I wrote an email explaining why I had to withdraw the girls from the school, weeping as I hit send. I’d dreaded removing them from a community they loved and that loved them. To my relief, the school said they’d work with us. They made it financially possible for the girls to stay.

The house got its new water system, perhaps the first upgrade to the well in half a century, and we dodged another bullet.

Six months later, on a chilly morning in September, I flipped a switch to turn the oil burner on and heard a terrible rumbling. Our boiler uses a hydronic system to heat the house. Water heats up, circulating through thin pipes to reach the radiators.

Old houses are insatiable. There are always more repairs and (for us) rarely enough money to address them until they become emergencies. If I could go back and give my younger house-hunting self one piece of advice it would be, “don’t buy a fixer upper.”

There was the year the ceiling in our bathroom collapsed one stormy weekend when a leak in the roof turned into a geyser.

There was the time the front steps simply fell off the house from rot, ejecting my husband onto the driveway.

There were months that the cesspool stank even after we’d (finally) paid for it to be drained. My husband built a system to vent it out, but the ground still gets saturated over there. He’s always warning me not to stand on it.

Echoes of my children’s lives are etched into every corner of every room. We have lived tremendous joy and exquisite heartache within these walls. I don’t want to lose this place now — not like this, not without saying a proper goodbye.

I desperately hope that we will find the money to emerge from this latest crisis. I never planned to stay here forever, but I also didn’t plan on leaving before the story of this house was over.

I’m not worried about the projects left undone or the visions left unrealized — not anymore. It’s okay that the house isn’t perfect. Now, I dream about an ending worthy of two decades spent in a place that sheltered me and my children, a place filled with our memories and our love.

My new dream is that I’ll be able to say a proper goodbye and hand the well-worn keys to a new family who will pick up where we left off.

Three things happened recently that eroded some of the joy in my life.

Help someone

Keep learning

Get moving

Written by NHF13